


Don't think twice

by imnotanironwall



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Getting Together, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 16:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18479779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotanironwall/pseuds/imnotanironwall
Summary: Being whole again is rough. Raw emotions are slowly but surely taking over Isa's heart and he can't seem to get his feelings under control - not enough to keep them well hidden. He wants to be with Lea, but some things are still left unsaid and words are leaving Isa's mouth before he can comprehend them; for the worst, or the best.





	Don't think twice

Being whole is an experience on its own, and as of late, Isa is almost missing being a Nobody. At least when his heart was gone and his chest hollow, he didn't wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, the beating of his heart deafening in his ears. 

The Old Mansion and the woods nearby are awfully quiet at this hour, the only sound piercing the mute veil of the night being the calm breathing of Lea, sleeping on the bed next to Isa. His face is peaceful for once, a dreamless night he had long awaited, and Isa isn’t going to disturb that with a pointless nightmare he had already forgotten.

Instead, he slides off the bed and walks out of the room they shared. His bare feet meet the cold floor and each of his steps echoes in the empty and dark hallway - at least, this sight is a more familiar and comfortable one to Isa, having passed countless times through the corridors of the Darkness. 

When he finally reaches the staircase leading downstairs, he stops and sits at the top, overlooking the empty hall. 

After becoming a Somebody again, Isa felt lost and overwhelmed back in Radiant Garden. He had, of course, knew Ienzo and the others for years now, but needless to say they weren’t on the best-est of terms. He had desperately needed to escape far from this place and the onslaught of memories filling his mind and refound heart. He had thus been assigned the cleaning of the Old Mansion back in Twilight Town - of course, Lea had jumped on the occasion to be with him. Who wouldn't? His best friends had decided to live there after all. 

"What are you doing here, Isa?" Comes a sleepy voice behind him, making him slightly jump. A sigh leaves the blue-haired man's lips. 

"I just woke up. Go back to sleep, Lea," he replies without turning towards the man he knows is walking towards him. 

Lea eventually sits down next to Isa and yawns loudly. "Are you sure? You kept turning around in bed. Did you have a nightmare?" When Isa doesn't reply, he frowns. "You can talk to me, Isa. I know what it is like to have a heart again, you don't have to endure it alone." 

Something about this statement rubs Isa the wrong; he grits his teeth and turns his face towards Lea, brows furrowed. "Do you, though?" He can feel his heart tightening inside his chest, ugly emotions rising in him - controlling his emotions is harder now after trying for so long to keep them hidden. "It seemed to me you had your feelings back before the end, the transition mustn't have been such a hassle."

Lea had always been one to wear his heart on his sleeves, even when he didn’t have one anymore, and this time is not an exception. His brows furrow and his lips form a thin line. “What got into you?” He turns completely towards Isa and put his hand on his shoulder. “What did you dream about? Talk to me.”

He sighs and turns his face away. “I’m fine, Lea. Go to bed, we still have much to clean up. You wouldn’t want to postpone another one of those meetings with your  _ friends _ .” 

They had been cleaning the Old Mansion for a week now and they had barely finished the ground floor and a bedroom upstairs - where they had decided to sleep. Lea, who had been ecstatic to be around Roxas and Xion a little longer, felt too guilty to leave Isa to clean alone even for one day. Not that Isa minded, he actually appreciated spending some time with his childhood friend, but he also couldn’t help but think Lea wanted nothing else but be with his  _ other friends _ . 

“If you think so,” the red-haired man yawns again and squeezes Isa’s shoulder before getting up. He doesn't seem upset by this fruitless conversation or by Isa's tone, sleepiness is probably the one to thanks for that. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” And without another glance, he leaves for the bedroom. 

A few minutes pass, and once he is sure he is alone again, Isa brings his hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to fight with Lea about their little issue - namely, Isa’s jealousy - but it is becoming more and more difficult to keep it inside with his emotions overflowing with each little slip of the tongue, each glimpse of his only friend left with others, seemingly slowly forgetting those who had always been there, who had been there first. He awfully misses his own cold and frigid attitude from when he was Nobody because being whole again now only means giving in to those ugly feelings. And wouldn’t that be unfortunate to fall for the Darkness again?

* * *

Their next argument - or more like Isa's next outburst - happens two days later after they had finally cleaned the ground floor and had just organized all fleeting papers in boxes who were ready to be shipped to headquarters. 

"They're going to pick them up tomorrow they said. Ienzo probably wants to have a look at them before burning them. And  _ I _ can't wait to get rid of those too, they already hurt too many people." Lea informs as he pushes a box with his boot, pocketing his gummiphone.

Isa nods. Of course, he doesn't like the content of the boxes either, and he agrees with Lea, but the sharp words still leave his mouth before he can stop himself "You're only saying that because they were used on your friends." 

He can see Lea turning towards him and raising his brows. "I  _ helped _ them with those experiments. Unknowingly, I admit, but I still feel guilty. So I'd like to fix some of my wrongs when I can." He puts his hands on his hips and bends slightly forward like he is trying to get to Isa's eye-level even though they are standing ten feet apart. "And I'm a Guardian of Light now, it's my duty to make sure everything is alright." 

Isa should shut up, he knows it's only going to turn this situation around for the worst, but something inside of him took control of his brain and he only replies, bitterness in his voice: "Ah. Then you are still hung up on this idea of living forever inside people's memories. Of course, you would be a permanent member, given the chance." He crosses his arms over his chest and looks down at the boxes piled between them. "Can't settle down for anything but a great destiny, I see that didn't change."

He should have kept it for himself. Why did he even have such a thought, he doesn't know. His heart is probably to blame, but that he can't say out loud. Not when Lea is watching him with hurt painted on his face and his body language went from playful and proud to closed-off and hurt.

"You know, Isa," the red-haired man starts, turning his face away, "I know having a heart again is not easy - even if you don't want to believe it - and feelings are quite hard to get used to again, but it doesn't mean you get to be a  _ dick _ whenever you wish to." 

Before Isa could get another word out - and what would he have said anyway? - Lea turns his back to him and walks toward the door. "I'm gonna see Roxas and Xion," and he slams the doorway behind him. 

* * *

Isa is building a table he received from a delivery guy when Lea comes back the next day. The hall is empty of papers and boxes, everything smells clean and fresh and there isn't a speck of dust on the floor.

"Wow, what happened here in twenty-four hours? Did a fairy came and cleaned everything for us?" The red-haired man walks to the table Isa has stopped building now that the quiet is disturbed. "Nice, we won't have to eat on the floor now! Let me help."

Isa only nods, better to keep his mouth shut before he screws up again. He does not enjoy it in the slightest, because he really likes seeing Lea happy, they  _ are _ friends. But recently his heart has decided to take over his brain and let out everything he has been keeping inside for so long. 

 

They works in tandem for a few minutes, Lea's soft humming filling the space. It's definitely more enjoyable than the past hours Isa has spent angry-cleaning the ground floor, alone with his thoughts.

But eventually, Lea decides to break the silence. He screws the last feet of the table and sits back on the floor, looking straight at Isa. "I talked with Xion and Roxas," his expression is unsure, an unusual sight, but there's a faint smile in his beautiful green eyes. "They want to meet with you, to know you more. They think it will be easier if you are all friends as well!" He gets up and stretches once they turned the table on its feet, all finished and ready to be used. "I know Xion won't ask you to do it because that's how sweet she is but you should apologize to her when you meet, for how Saïx treated her. I'm sure everything will-"

"Stop," suddenly cuts Isa. "Why would they meet me? They hate me." He shakes his head and puts his tools on the table. This is already a stupid idea, everything sounds wrong. "And when do I have a say in it, anyway? I don't need to make new friends." 

"What? No, they don't hate you, idiot." Lea bats his hand in front of his own face and shakes his head. "And I can't be your only friend when there are so many people out here; life is better with people in it!" 

Isa huffs and turns his face away, his long hair hiding his expression to the man. His voice is cold and foreign. "You're not my only friend… For someone whose catchphrase is 'Got it memorized' you forgot a lot of things." He lifts his hand to his forehead and lets his fingers descend his scar to his nose. There he stops his fingers and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index.  "While you play around with your newfound family,  _ I _ am looking for the one we lost." 

That, of course, strikes Lea the wrong way. "Ah!" He slams his hands on the table, the loud sound resonating in the empty room. "That's rich of you! Because I am certain you told me not too long ago that you became obsessed with power and completely forgot our objective. And anyway, are you  _ really _ searching for her? I'm not sure you're gonna go far by staying indoors all day long." 

Isa turns his back to him and starts walking away. He is  _ not _ getting into another argument with Lea,  _ absolutely not _ . It isn't going anywhere and he isn't going to feel like his heart has been ripped out of his ribcage for hours because he hurt - or got hurt by - the  _ one person _ that matters. 

Lea, on the other hand, doesn't seem to feel like they are done talking. He rushes around the table and jogs towards Isa before seizing him by the wrist. "Oh no, you don't walk away on  _ me _ ."

The air suddenly leaves Isa's lungs and his back meets a hard wall. Red hair is pushed in his face and he can't see anything but red, red, red, red. "You are not Saïx, you can't hide behind not having a heart anymore." His friend's face is crimson, his eyes shine like fire and Isa can almost feel the warmth of  _ actual fire _ through the finger pushing against his chest. "You are not going to find her quicker by sabotaging your relationship with me." 

The hold on his wrist tighten, he can feel the breath of Lea on his face, they are so immensely close, and Isa's heart is pounding in his chest. Faster, faster, until it's the only thing he can ear and Lea's mouth is moving but no sounds escape. 

He has screwed up again, hasn't he? How he keeps doing that, he's not sure. Having a heart is definitely harder than he remembered. But he also cannot let things fall between his fingers, unable to grasp them, any longer. He is losing his friend the way things are going, and  _ that _ would be unfortunate.

"You're right," he eventually says a moment later, effectively cutting Lea's incoherent babbling. " _I am_ _jealous_."

The grip on his wrist loosen and the finger poking at his chest disappears, Lea looks taken aback for a moment before he comes back to himself. "You shouldn't have to be. Roxas and Xion aren't more important than you. You're as much my best friend as them." 

"But I don't want to just be the  _ same _ as them." Isa can feel his voice rising as his emotions overflow again. He takes a deep breath and tries to keep it under control. "And I don't want  _ her _ to be the same in my heart as you." Lea cocks an eyebrow at this and takes a step back, incomprehension readable on his face. Isa sighs, oh this is going way deeper than he ever wanted, but here he is - no going back. "I want to be special, to be the  _ only one _ . Because you have always been for me, it was always you." 

"Isa," comes the whisper after a beat. Lea's voice is softer, gentler, the fire in his eyes is soothing. There's a small smile on his lips and relief breezes through his body. 

"Man, you didn't have to be an asshole if all you wanted was to confess." Lea playfully elbows him in the shoulder, his mouth turning into its usual smirk. "No one actually bullies the person they like you know, that's just awful human behavior." 

He pats Isa's cheek before slowly tracing his scar on his forehead, way too gentle for someone who lost his temper minutes ago - both of them. "What do you want to do then, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" 

Aah, that sounded too easy coming from the red-haired man's lips. But it couldn’t be that smooth, he couldn’t just say yes and act as if nothing had happened. He needed to work things out first. 

"Not now. I don't deserve it.  _ You _ don't deserve  _ that _ ," he admitted, pointing at himself. "I need to get things right with myself first. And maybe I should be a bit more like you sometimes. Do good,  _ atone _ ." 

He took a deep breath before pushing himself off the wall and putting some distance between himself and Lea. "I'm going to Radiant Garden. I'll be back in a week if you'll wait for me."

"Ah! Aren't I always waiting for you," his friend exclaims, putting some empathize on the  _ always _ . "Sure, you do you. But I am  _ not _ cleaning this Mansion alone, that's  _ your _ job." He puts one hand on his hip and gestures towards all the upstairs space still dusty and messy. Then he smiles and turns on his heels. "See you, Isa." 

* * *

Radiant Garden is different. And still, in and of itself, it's the same old place Isa spent endless hours exploring. He can see it in the large gardens - though newly planted - and the bright blue sky, even in the inhabitants who still hold the same hopes and dreams. It's beautiful. He missed it. 

He has decided to stay with his parents, instead of the castle where he was offered a room. He owes it to them after all, how many years has it been since he last saw them? They have aged quite a lot - a decade usually does that to people - but their smiles and the way they hug Isa when he appears on the threshold of their bakery, they did not change. They are comforting and warm, familiar. An anchor for Isa against the overwhelming amount of memories flooding his mind. 

They accept him back in their life, no question asked, ready to love him like he never was another man for ten years. And they all did this, Isa notes. They opened their arms to him, gave him space, a job, a purpose until he felt like he could open up to them. Despite everything he did, despite everything he  _ does _ . He needs to be a little more grateful. To all of them, but especially to Lea. 

When Isa closes his eyes, he can still feel the warmth of Lea's arms around him as he faded away, the softness in his voice as he pronounced his name. He never stopped loving and caring about him, despite the distance. Isa is such an idiot.

How could he have been so blind? How could he have let the Darkness and then his own emotions become more important than the one who had always been here? Even when he really wasn’t anymore, even when  _ Saïx _ pushed him away, Lea had always been there, waiting to be seen, waiting to be with Isa again. 

Maybe Nobodies did have hearts after all. When he looks back on it, Saïx shouldn't have been able to be jealous, especially when it hadn't been a feeling Isa had experienced prior. Axel, Roxas and Xion shouldn't have felt the need to make friends. Demyx shouldn't have been able to be upset about being benched. None of them should have felt lonely, but they did, that's why they all craved for a Heart again. 

Ah, maybe he really isn’t the smartest one for not noticing earlier. He spent so much time inside his head, trying to find any hint about what happened to their friend, that he didn't even try to  _ feel _ .

Coming back to Radiant Garden really is doing wonders. Everything can be so different when he takes the time to feel - and not hide behind a wall to protect himself from ever feeling hurt and alone again. 

Maybe he can be open about those feelings who had been buried so deep in his heart for so many years now. Maybe he can learn to love again. 

* * *

A week has passed when he comes back to Twilight Town. It's early in the evening and he knows for sure Lea won't be at the Old Mansion if he goes there right now, so instead, he heads for the clock tower. 

Last time he was up there, he had just popped in and out using the corridors of Darkness. Now, he actually needs to climb the stairs all the way up,  _ by foot _ . How the kids do it every day without their ice creams melting before they reach the top, it's a wonder to Isa. He is still in the prime of his age, Isa is not  _ that old _ yet, but he is still slightly panting once he reaches the last step.

As expected, Lea is there, eyes fixed on the setting sun in the horizon. He is eating his ice-cream and holding another one which is slowly melting on his hand, completely oblivious to Isa's presence. 

"How come you're here alone. School should be over by now," he says nonchalantly as he takes a sit on Lea's left, exactly where he was the last time. 

He sees Lea jumps, turning his head so fast he can hear his neck crying in pain. "Isa!" A huge smile breaks on his face before he frowns as he points his ice-cream to the sun, accusatory. "Said they got a school-project due tomorrow they completely forgot about, so they're doing homework I guess."

"Why the two ice-creams then? Waiting for someone?" Isa asks with a smile on his own at the corner of his lips. 

Lea gazes away quickly, a faint blush on his face, before he holds the spare one to Isa. "One for me and one for good luck?"

Isa chuckles as he takes the ice-cream. Hearing his own words thrown back at him is quite pleasant when there isn't the threat of imminent danger upon both their shoulders. "I suppose, yes."

Quiet fills between them and they eat their ice-creams in complete silence, eyes turned towards the setting sun. With the last bite of his own already-quite-melted ice-cream, the stick reveals the words "WINNER" written vertically. 

He takes it as a sign to throw himself in the lion's den. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, exhaling loudly. "I'm not sure where to begin... I was really fucked up. But you didn't deserve to be treated that way." When he turns his head towards his friend, his gaze falls into the green sea of Lea's eyes. "I will meet with Roxas and Xion, if that's what you want. I can't promise it will go smoothly but I'll try my best. I  _ want _ to try my best, this is the way to regaining my life I believe." 

He looks down at the winning stick still clenched between his fingers. He hands it over to Lea who takes it with a cocked eyebrow, looking at it suspiciously. When Isa doesn't let it go, he looks up to meet the blue-haired man's eyes. 

"I still have a long way to go, and I will probably screw things up again, but I want to try. I want to feel alive. And I want to be by your side, as long as you'll allow me." He smiles, discrete and soft. " _ I want to be with you, Lea _ ."

Lea takes a deep breath and smiles his biggest goofy smile. “Isa…” He looks back down at the winning stick in his hands and laughs, they are rare, those ones. And they are rare, the people ready to change for the better, worth keeping around at least. 

He looks up and meets Isa’s green-blue eyes, there’s worry in his gaze, almost imperceptible. Lea shakes his head, he won’t let him hanging more, he already knows his answer. And so, he trails down the stick to Isa's fingers, to his hand and wrist which he then holds gently before tugging on it and pulling Isa towards him. His other hand slides to Isa’s warm cheek and, right before their lips meet, he closes his eyes. 

Their noses are squished against one another and their lips crushed together, but Isa’s lips are soft and wet and Lea can feel his hot breath against his face. They are so close he can feel the heat radiating from Isa and how his heart is pounding against his chest, how _alive and whole_ he is. Isa seems flustered and, thinking about how it is from their proximity, from the kiss, only makes Lea smiles harder. His  _ boyfriend  _ is cute.

When they pull apart, Isa puts his forehead against Lea and sighs, a smile of his own on his lips. His heart is hammering inside his chest, he is happy and relieved, everything will be _fine_ , so he decides to steal a second kiss from Lea - quicker than the first one but just as good - before Lea gets up. The setting sun makes his red hair shines more than usual and his toothy-smile is brighter under the light of twilight. He holds his hand to Isa and cocks his head to the side. “Let’s go home, Isa”. 

And who is he to decline? 

**Author's Note:**

> I recently got into KH and fell in love with it right away... I love Isa and Lea and wanted to write my take on what happened between Saïx's death and the epilogue. Also, I love the song "Don't Think Twice" so much, and I thought it fitted those two quite well.  
> Also, I don't have a beta reader and I'm not a native speaker, so I'm really sorry if you found any mistakes.
> 
> You can reach me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/imnotanironwall)! I'd love to have more KH mutuals!


End file.
